will the real dave strider please stand up
history fact: i am personally suffering
______________________
[Independent Dave Strider]
M!A: none
<8> Fascinating.
<8> This must cause Aradia no small deal of frustration.
smirking emoji
<8> I see.
<8> Is the mitosis Dave-specific or is this a human trait I’ve never heard of?
to a lesser extent it applies to most humans but for some heretofore unknown reason it concentrates in my friends and i
most obviously in myself but it is a trait common to rose, dirk, roxy, and jade as well
somehow less so in john, jake, and jane, and no one quite knows why
truly one of the mysteries of our time
Dave. Can humans reproduce asexually.
<8> …You’re fucking with me, aren’t you.
you think i would joke with you about something as serious and important to human biology and reproduction as dave mitosis? its like you dont know me at all, b
yeah i heard about kids from brhine but this is still news to me
spill the deets dude you made those little bundles of life and possibilities you gotta tell me about em
or like
everyone at once since just any chucklefuck can read these as they pass by the dash i guess
well! shit
the twins are cassidy and cassandra and theyre angels
well cassandra is an angel cassidy is full of goddamn mischief and hes only 7 months old hes gonna be exhausting when he gets older
troll-human hybrids are…. interesting and maybe ill get into that in a bit bc no one told me about what that would be like but
yeah
what do you wanna know?
oh im sure there are a good half-dozen or so maniacal motherfuckers throughout the course of time and space who youve managed to rile up into a murderous froth at the thought of a chill yet affably untouchable dude just existing somewhere who’d sooner take the shot
though i’ll keep said dibs in mind both in case any of the aforementioned get any dumb ideas
how you been buddy
i cant ever go back to athens before 350 bc because i called plato egotistical and small-minded because in an argument about slavery and if he ever sees me hes going to suplex me because, history fact, motherfucker is jacked
ive been good
real good
kids are doing great and im a semester out from graduating and shits really just been smooth sailing for the most part
My brother decided to teach his two and a half year old that Mommy and Daddy have names and there is nothing funnier than seeing a cranky toddler turn to his mom and say ‘leave me alone, Meredith.’
I take out a map of the world and place pins where every mutual of mine lives and start connecting the ones that hate each other with string and all the strings intersect over a village in France and I break into a warehouse in that village and theres a big cork notice board in the middle of it with a blueprint hung on it that reads “how we’re going to kill the gay idiot” with a really ugly picture of me attached to it
currently creating a flowchart of which of my mutuals hate which of my other mutuals like theyre opposing british royal bloodlines and its developing into a 4 dimensional cube
